OK, so I know I keep coming back to this same topic (struggling to make a spiritual connection), but I have finally found an answer I can understand and deal with! Yay!
During Eucharistic Adoration, I had again been meditating on (stressing about) this, and all of a sudden Mom leans over and says "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you just have to read this passage!" and she shoves her little devotional into my hands.
I have to admit that I wasn't happy to be interrupted in my frustrated wallowing at my lack of connection with the holiest sites on the planet, but then the first sentence just jumped out at me:
"My child, do not look for spiritual consolation or interior good feelings in your prayers and good works."Say what!?!?!
"If I gave internal consolation and joy for every good work, many a worldly man would follow my Commandments for the sake of these gifts."OH!
I was completely blown away! It went on to say:
"Spiritual consolation is only a temporary gift to encourage one who is earnestly trying to serve Me."A temporary gift! God does not give that loving, spiritual connection I have been obsessing about for every prayer, good work, or pilgrimage visit!
If we received a warm-fuzzy, overwhelmingly joyful feeling every time we did anything for God, we would all do good works and pray all the time just for the emotional payoff!
It would interfere with our faith. It would interfere with our free will. It would interfer with our choice to follow Him. I get it! I understand!
O Thank You God!
I looked up Spiritual Consolation and it said:
"Spiritual Consolation is an experience of being so on fire with God's love that we feel impelled to praise, love and serve God and help others as best as we can. Spiritual Consolation encourages and facilitates a deep sense of gratitude for God's faithfulness, mercy and companionship in our life. In consolation, we feel more alive and connected to others."What a fabulous explanation! That is exactly what I had been looking for in Israel! And exactly what I had been freaking out about since I didn't receive it every single time I stood in those holy places!
I most certainly did receive the gift of spiritual consolation multiple times, but not everywhere. And now that I understand, I am so grateful for the times that I did receive this most wonderful gift! I feel so privileged to have experienced it as many times as I did!
And best of all, I can quit feeling guilty and unworthy for the times that I did not! Whew! What a huge relief!
So now I understand why I didn't feel the connection all the time, so that I would freely and faithfully continue of my own love for God.
Thank You Lord for answering my prayer of struggle and wondering in the most unusual way! By being interrupted and...
WAIT! I interrupt this prayer to finish the story. Mom had showed me this particular section of her devotional because it had spoken to HER at that moment. Unbelievable!
She was sharing with me, with tears in her eyes, how the passage was speaking to her heart as an answered prayer for her spiritual question at that moment.
How awesome is our God? How unbelievably AWESOME is our God!
Dear Lord, thank you for answering OUR prayers of struggle in such a wondrous way. How miraculous are your ways, in that whoever wrote that passage would be your instrument to speak to two different people experiencing two different problems at exactly the same time. You are indeed, an AWESOME God! Thank you for blessing us with spiritual consultation about spiritual consolation! Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment