The Sweetness of Answered Prayers

ORDINARY TIME

OK, so I know I keep coming back to this same topic (struggling to make a spiritual connection), but I have finally found an answer I can understand and deal with! Yay!

During Eucharistic Adoration, I had again been meditating on (stressing about) this, and all of a sudden Mom leans over and says "I'm sorry to interrupt, but you just have to read this passage!" and she shoves her little devotional into my hands.

I have to admit that I wasn't happy to be interrupted in my frustrated wallowing at my lack of connection with the holiest sites on the planet, but then the first sentence just jumped out at me:

"My child, do not look for spiritual consolation or interior good feelings in your prayers and good works."  

Say what!?!?!

"If I gave internal consolation and joy for every good work, many a worldly man would follow my Commandments for the sake of these gifts."

OH!

 I was completely blown away! It went on to say:

"Spiritual consolation is only a temporary gift to encourage one who is earnestly trying to serve Me."

A temporary gift! God does not give that loving, spiritual connection I have been obsessing about for every prayer, good work, or pilgrimage visit!

If we received a warm-fuzzy, overwhelmingly joyful feeling every time we did anything for God, we would all do good works and pray all the time just for the emotional payoff!

It would interfere with our faith. It would interfere with our free will. It would interfer with our choice to follow Him. I get it! I understand!

O Thank You God!

I looked up Spiritual Consolation and it said:

"Spiritual Consolation is an experience of being so on fire with God's love that we feel impelled to praise, love and serve God and help others as best as we can.  Spiritual Consolation encourages and facilitates a deep sense of gratitude for God's faithfulness, mercy and companionship in our life.  In consolation, we feel more alive and connected to others."

What a fabulous explanation! That is exactly what I had been looking for in Israel! And exactly what I had been freaking out about since I didn't receive it every single time I stood in those holy places!

I most certainly did receive the gift of spiritual consolation multiple times, but not everywhere. And now that I understand, I am so grateful for the times that I did receive this most wonderful gift! I feel so privileged to have experienced it as many times as I did!

And best of all, I can quit feeling guilty and unworthy for the times that I did not! Whew! What a huge relief!

So now I understand why I didn't feel the connection all the time, so that I would freely and faithfully continue of my own love for God.

Thank You Lord for answering my prayer of struggle and wondering in the most unusual way!  By being interrupted and... 

WAIT!  I interrupt this prayer to finish the story. Mom had showed me this particular section of her devotional because it had spoken to HER at that moment. Unbelievable!

She was sharing with me, with tears in her eyes, how the passage was speaking to her heart as an answered prayer for her spiritual question at that moment.

How awesome is our God? How unbelievably AWESOME is our God!

Dear Lord, thank you for answering OUR prayers of struggle in such a wondrous way.  How miraculous are your ways, in that whoever wrote that passage would be your instrument to speak to two different people experiencing two different problems at exactly the same time.  You are indeed, an AWESOME God!  Thank you for blessing us with spiritual consultation about spiritual consolation!  Amen.

Dormition Abbey's Mystery Painting

ADVENT

I love this painting!!

Just look at them. They are so joyful! They are so happy!

When I got home and was looking at my pictures, this one was between two different places I visited and I couldn't remember where it was taken! Egads!!!! Was it the last picture I took here, or the first picture I took there...???

So I began to search. And I guess no one else was as enchanted with it as I was, because several days on Google (and I'm a pretty good searcher!) only turned up one single photo of it. The photo was labeled "Lower Chapel in the the Basilica of Dormition".

So at least I wasn't nuts! And I was able to concentrate my search. But I am still baffled! I cannot find out anything about it. I was most surprised that the brochure I got at the Basilica did not mention it. Although it did mention every single other side altar in the Chapel and the Crypt, the only thing I can find that even begins to match my memory is the statement "The first two altars on the northern wall have no particular design so far..." I can only guess that the brochure is from before this painting was done, and it's just temporary until another altar mosaic is installed! Heaven forbid!! !!!

The Dormition Abbey has been renamed the Hagia Maria Sion Abbey. I've also seen it called the Basilica of Dormition and Church of the Dormition. So good luck if you are trying to find it on Google! LOL!

But just look at Mary and Elizabeth in this painting.

They were kin. Some references say kinswoman. So they knew each other, were related. Maybe they didn't see each other often since they lived in different towns. My goodness, it was approximately 100 miles from Nazareth to Ein Kerem! Maybe that made any time the were together that much sweeter. They loved each other and enjoyed being together. Even though Elizabeth was much older than Mary, they were friends.

Now Mary finds out from the Angel Gabriel that she is to bare the Savior, the Messiah! Wow! She must have been elated!!

Mary also knows that her beloved relative Elizabeth is also pregnant, has been blessed with a miracle!

"She sent with haste to a Judian town in the hill country". Lk. 1:39. With haste. She is going quickly to Elizabeth. She is overjoyed at her news and wants to share it with her friend, her kinswoman. Plus, she is so happy for Elizabeth to have conceived in her old age! Maybe she is just twitching with excitement! Oh the miles must have seemed endless as Mary made her way to Ein Kerem to see her!

There, in the distance! She sees Zacharia's house! Does her step quicken? Does her heart? Is she becoming breathless with her excitement?

And then there is Elizabeth, calmly going about her daily routine. She has no idea Mary is on her way. No email, no phone, no letter. She doesn't know her young family member is so close!

The news of her pregnancy is no longer a shock to her or Zacharia, but at 6 months pregnant she is never without a constant reminder of the miracle! Other mothers know, the width of your stomach out in front, bumping into things, making your clothes tight, catching every spill! The pressure on your back at night, on your bladder all the time, the new always-tired feeling. At 6 months, she can already feel his movement.

And she knows her baby is a boy! Stop and think how astounding that was 2000 years ago!!! It's a boy, and his name is John. She is secure in that knowledge because her faith is great.

And like any woman who carries a baby, especially a first-time mother of her extraordinary circumstances, she must bask in her pregnancy. Just revel in every little change to her body. She basks in it; wears the knowing smile of having a delightful secret. Being in constant touch with an invisible visitor that only she can hear and feel, only she is aware of.

Maybe she is sweeping or grinding something or sewing...maybe doing her daily work a bit mindlessly, daydreaming about her baby, maybe humming to herself and to John. Does she stop now and then to rub her belly? Even in her old age, I'll bet she has no complaints for any backaches or fatigue. She doesn't care because her dream of having a baby is coming true! Her prayers have been answered! Any discomfort will be brushed aside as nothing compared to the ache of an empty womb. She is the miracle of motherhood.

Then, Elizabeth hears something, a visitor! And she recognizes Mary's voice immediately and her heart leaps with joy -no wait -it's the baby!! And Elizabeth has full immediate knowledge! Mary will bare the Messiah! Little Mary is to be the mother of the Savior of Israel! The answer to thousands of years of prayers of her people! The time has come and a Deliverer is on the way! Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and with happiness and joy!

She grabs Mary in a loving embrace and blesses Mary! With just a few words from Elizabeth, Mary knows that she understands and believes. The two of them - how blessed they are, and they both know and acknowledge it! They both realize that they are part of God's salvation of their people - their embrace, their hug, their touch conveys so much! The love in their eyes for each other! Is that a tear?

I sat under this painting and I felt such joy! I could not stop smiling!! On my trip we rarely had time to stop to enjoy the site we were visiting. But this time, in this place, we did get a few minutes. The colors, the expressions on their faces...it was just awesome - and I knew it! I knew I was feeling something special and wonderful!

I wanted to stay, to sit, to meditate. I wanted to just look at the beautiful mosaic which was effecting me and just smile.

All the times I had hungered for a spiritual experience! And I knew I was having one, I knew I was touching something special!! I was aware of the wonderfulness of it while it was happening.

I smile now just remembering, just looking at the photo. And see that girl in the corner peeking through the door? I'm going to claim that is me. Watching. Smiling.

I will forever love this image of Mary & Elizabeth, I will never forget.

Thank you God for allowing me to feel your presence in my mind this day.  Thank you Jesus for allowing your Mother to smile down on my heart this day.  Thank you Holy Spirit for allowing me to feel your essence in the lasting effects in my soul, still today.  Amen.


**Update:  Mom thinks this lovely painting is the layout for a future mosaic.  I hope she is right!!!!  The this beautiful image will be here forever for everyone to fall in love with as I did!

2012 Pilgrimage to Israel - Day 9

 

Searching for a Spiritual Connection

I stopped in at St. Paul's Adoration Chapel for a few minutes the other day. The church is downtown and I try to stop in anytime I have business near there.

 

(this is not a great photo, I snapped it with my cell phone which doesn't do well in low light)

St. Paul's Adoration Chapel is in a small room directly off the altar of the 180 year old historic church. It just so happened that as I was in there praying I heard the sounds of the beginning of daily Mass.

(It was kinda weird since I was just on the other side of the wall, not 25 feet from the priest! I felt like I was hiding in a closet or something!)

I don't know what I was praying about at the time, but I had just gotten up to leave when I realized they were beginning the Gospel. I stood still and tried to listen to the Word. It was difficult. The priest had a very deep voice and although it was booming, it was muffled to my ears though the thick sanctuary wall. I couldn't catch many of the words.

I heard Joseph's name, and Mary.

I caught partial snatches of sentences.

I know what time of the year we are in liturgically, so I was able to narrow it down to one of a couple of stories, but couldn't hear. Stain and try as I might, I couldn't catch what was actually being said. It was frustrating.

I found myself feeling upset and sad.

And then I realized I was experiencing the same sort of anxious feelings I had when I was in Israel on my pilgrimage!

The crowds, the rush, the noise, the distractions...all worked to make it next to impossible to have any sort of heavenly experience at the various sites. They hustle visitors through so many of the sites, and although I understand their need to give everyone a chance. The lines are long and I'm sure there are pilgrims who would throw themselves on a site and remain there in prayer for a hour if left to it, heck-fire, I might be one of them! But they had to move us all along so the next person could have a slice of a moment with the spiritual. The longing to connect - to have an epiphany, some sort of divine bonding was very stressful....and the discouragement when it didn't happen made my heart ache.

For me, it made for a frustrating experience several times in the holiest of sites and I came away with a sense of discouragement at my lack of divine encounter... and to be truthful, maybe even a tiny bit of shame and not having been able to center my heart and mind to give the scared spot the honor it was due.

There I said it. I was ashamed that I couldn't connect with My Lord in the sites where He lived and breathed.

I was maybe even hurt. Why didn't I? What was it? Why weren't my prayers for an encounter answered? What was wrong with me that I could connect with the holy place??? Why was God holding himself back from me???

Well, it was an ongoing internal struggle during the entire pilgrimage and after I returned home too.

But back to my experience in the Adoration Chapel.

So I left feeling frustrated and sad and knowing that it was like the feelings I had experienced in Israel. And I thought about it as I drove away. And it occurred to me that if I want to know what the priest is saying, all I have to do is go to any missal or any one of a hundred websites to find out what the Gospel reading was (btw Mt 1:18-25. Thanks www.catholic.org!).

Any person on any day can read, meditate, savor, find meaning in and dwell on the Word of God. I can take my time, put it in my heart, grow a tiny bit more in my quest to be a good daughter of God and sister of Christ.

And then I realized that this is what I'm doing with this blog. I am taking my lack of spiritual encounter to the awesome religious site and am making that link by reading the stories in the bible, meditating on my photos, recalling the moments I was physically there, reminiscing on the sounds, smells, sites, feelings and putting it all together here.

I am turning my frustration (& embarrassment?) to peace.

I am so happy to have this journaling project to help me to take one of the most wonderful events of my life and use it to make many, many connections to God.

Lord, thank you for "holding out" on me during my pilgrimage so that I can link your Word with my experience for an even greater meditative encounter now which I can savor over time and enjoy to it's fullest.  Amen.

Basilica of the Annunciation - the Church

ADVENT

When we entered the upper Sanctuary of the Basilica of the Annunciation there was another pilgrim group on the altar celebrating Mass. It's hard to "tour" a site while Holy Mass is going on, but it happened to us when we were having mass a few times and although I vaguely remember people moving around the outskirts, everyone is respectful and I never remember there being any problem with it.

You can see how the railing surrounds the opening which looks down into the Grotto where the actual Annunciation took place. This is a huge church, and I can just imagine it filled with worshipers who are able to file past the cavity on their way to Holy Communion and gaze down into the Grotto where it all began.

We contented ourselves with quietly checking out the walls which were covered in mosaics donated from countries all around the world.

My Dad always told me if you can't says something nice, don't say anything at all. I don't always follow that advise, but I'm going to when it comes to the "mosaic" donated by the United States...

Oh well.

There was a gorgeous, giant stained-glass window across the back that was reflecting beautifully on the floor and it took me about 8 tries to finally get the photo I wanted of it.
 

I don't know what the deal is, and I can't find anything about it on the internet, but all the wooden columns and supports for the walls and roof had small circles cut into them as you can see from the close-up above. It gave the entire church a different look for sure.

 

This is the parish church for the local Catholic community of Nazareth and the inscriptions on the Stations of the Cross are in Arabic.

The main isle was beautiful in the natural light that came in from the dome overhead when we were there and Mom captured this lovely picture of it.

Fellow pilgrims look very thoughtful when contemplating the Basilica.

 

When I look at the faces in this photo, I feel like I can identify with them. Look how they are "pondering" this sacred place. Don't they look like they are really, intensely trying to understand? To grasp?

I recounted in an early post how I struggled to make a connection with this holy site (and others). I was filled with interior anxiety because I didn't feel some all-enveloping-warm-fuzzy from being there. I was straining within my mind to unite myself to this place and imprint it on my heart forever.

I was allowed to stand within 3 feet of the spot where Gabriel spoke with Mary and told her about her part in the salvation of the world.

It's just profound!

Mary had free will just like we all do. She could have easily said no to God's plan. And so can we. But she didn't, she said yes. And helped save us all.

She became the Mother of God, the Mother of us all!

I might not have had a heart-stopping mystical moment in the Grotto, but that doesn't mean I don't have a spiritual connection with Mary.

Dearest Mary, Thank You for always being available to me in all occasions.  You have always been a wonderful guiding light in difficult times.  I am so blessed to have you to count on to stand at any of the crossroads in my life and point the way to your son, Jesus.  Amen.

 2012 Pilgrimage to Israel - Day 4

How It Began

This is really kinda funny, because I am not a journaler, uh journalist...person who keeps a journal. Ever. Never. And I've tried to begin this project multiple times in multiple ways. I have several little notebooks which I've started over the past 3 months, plus this is my second attempt at a blog.

Backing up, I would have never guessed in a million years that I would go to Israel. Israel. Me.

My Mother is lucky enough to get to travel a lot. In the spring, there was a blurb in our church bulletin about our priest taking a group to The Holy Land. "I've always wanted to go to see Israel" she told me. When she was young, she was a nurse in the Air Force stationed in England. She used to take "hops", flying space available when the pilots were headed to Europe and she has lots of stories, pictures and souveniers of her weekends in France, Portugual, Spain, etc. Once she met my Dad, that sorta put a slow-down to her adventures in travel as she began adventures of another nature. It seems that she had planned a trip to Bethlehem over Christmas though, and Dad talked her into staying in England with him, which she was happy to do at the time. Now, 55 years later, she was thinking about finally taking that trip with the members of our church.

But she was worried. Probably for multiple reasons, but the question she kept asking me over the months is "Do you think it would be safe to travel there?" ("How dangerous do you think it really is in the Middle East?" "I wonder if that trip to Israel would be safe?" "Do you think it would be crazy for me to go on that trip?")

Finally I gave her my honest answer "If I had a chance to go to Israel, I wouldn't worry about anything, I would go in a New York Minute!"

That must have started her thinking because by the fall, about a week before my birthday, she asked me if I would go with her.

I could not believe it, couldn't wrap my brain around it! I was too afraid that if I got excited it wouldn't happen! Like if I made too much noise I would wake myself up and find out it was all a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. It was real. I really, really did go to Israel. To places I had heard about on the tv and in the news; in songs and in psalms; testament places both old and new; places where our Lord Jesus Christ lived.

And it was wonderful and unusual and mysterious and exotic. It was surprising and unexpected and heartbreaking and joyful. It was awesome and stressful and inspiring and scary.

And it's over. Oh it's over. : (

And I don't want it to be. It was too fast. I want to remember. I want to understand what happened. I want to dissect it, to explore my feelings, to search my heart and mind for meaning from it. I want to glean all the significance, I want to grasp all the importance, I want to hold on to the essence and savor it all until I've captured all the spirituality I can from the experience.

I knew that's what I wanted. I prayed about it before the trip, during the trip, after I got home. But how? How could I capture the experience?

Everyone said that I must do a journal. So, like I said in the first paragraph, I started writing. I think I started three different journals before I left. I even read articles on how to do a journal. I started a fourth one on the trip.

We returned from our pilgrimage only 12 days before the First Sunday of Advent. And I was still floundering with my attempts to write down my thoughts from the trip when I went to church that first Sunday and heard the Gospel that day. I remembered that place. I knew where they stood when they spoke those words. All the memories of the place I had been which related to those couple of verses from the Bible came flooding in. It was beautiful. It was amazing. I was overwhelmed with the wonder of it.

And realized that this would probably happen all year as I attended Mass! So why not write down those thoughts as they came to me? In the order that they came? Here was the answer to my prayer!! And this blog was born.

So here it is, my journey to Israel. My journal of Israel. Not day by day following our itinerary, but liturgically.

My prayers have been answered. I am happy and satisfied with the path I've been inspired (thank you Holy Spirit!!) to use to "journal" my trip and am finding great peace.

Dear God: You are Good, All the Time!  Please use my story for your glory! Amen.

My beautiful Mother Rosemary and I in front of the Western Wall in Jerusalem.

2012 Pilgrimage to Israel